you live your life as if it's real

 "Summer of Storms"
Word count: 828 (Thurs) + 684 (Fri)
Total word count: 3,974
Finished! (Well, for some values of finished. Needs to go through the crit group, and I already can see some stuff that needs work. But the next revision will actually be just revision, not rewriting.)

Now I'm working on "Sparagmos." After that, not sure. Possibly "The Beginning of Change" which just needs a rewrite on the ending, or possibly revisions on two poems.

I figure I should put some time in now on my actual job. Since I'm being paid for it and all...

But before that, dance class today was so much fun. I love learning choreographies. And my teacher had the coolest  new cd. She's going to burn it for me. Bagpipe versions of all sorts of songs... We Will Rock You, Eye of the Tiger, Clocks... and so many others that I can't remember. I only got to listen to a couple tracks, but it is sweeeeet.

Nothing else to report really. Everything is pretty much at the status quo.

 Milestone! I've been revising "A Thing of Many Facets" slowly over the past week. Didn't really make any major changes, mostly just cut a few unnecessary words and added a few for clarity here and there. The only major change I made was adding two sentences to the ending paragraph to give it a bit more weight and hopefully fix the (very valid) concerns that shade53had with it.

"A Thing of Many Facets"
Starting word count: 1,489
Ending word count: 1,530

I submitted it to Fickle Muses tonight. Not a paying market, but it was the one I could find whose guidelines seemed to match my story best. First ever submission! (Unless you count my high school magazine, in which case it's my fourth ever submission.)

So now I wait, almost certainly for a rejection. In the meantime, I'll create a spreadsheet for keeping track of submissions.

... Alright, that's done. Now what? Right. Wait.

Good thing I have Iliad and Aeneid translations to do.

(Oh yeah, and I've been on a big TRAX kick lately. Can you tell?)

Edit: I was tagged by bluebonnets!

 Figured it was 'bout time for one of these again.

Word count: 580 on Mikko's joining post, written mostly today but some of it about a week ago; 407 on "Sparagmos" written in really tiny spurts over the past three days or so.
Total word count: 1342 words for Mikko, if you count the recycled Steve post I used for a sample; 407 for "Sparagmos"

"Sparagmos" is going so achingly slowly. But at least it's going. The last 300 words of it are shit though. At least compared to the first 100. Still. I knew it would be hard when I started. And the bloody thing wouldn't leave me alone, so.

And hurray, Mikey is joined! Soon he can meet 'vail and have all sorts of exciting and embarrassing adventures. Whee!

And my roomie is lovely and loves me and baked loaf cake and cookies tonight and gave me my birthday present. And I went out for dinner with friends, and dinner was delicious and the company was fabulous. And geoaspartamegave me my Christmas present, which was hilariously wrapped and almost impregnable, following which it was awesome and lovely. Thank you again!!

And I finished reading Tennyson for my English exam, so all I have to do tomorrow is read Malory and then review the course notes. And I have two chocolate bars, iced tea, mango juice, leftover pasta, and all the baking to get me through it.

I shan't starve. It's a comforting thought.

And Aria, Brant and Kez-baby had a really long snowball fight today, which resulted in so many moments of death by cuteness.

All in all, I'm really happy right now. It's been such a good day.

 Wednesday, November 21
"A Thing of Many Facets"
Word count: 1,035
Total word count: 1,489
Done! (Which is a good thing, since this is my Arthurian fic due for English class today.)

Today I wrote 386 words of explanation for my story, since that was a requirement.

I hope my prof likes it. I do. It needs editing though, but no time, no time!

Today's thing of the day: it snowed! Okay, so it's snowed a bunch of times this year already. This is snow that stays, snow that blankets, snow that makes everything white and beautiful. Best surprise ever, when I looked out my window this morning expecting to see yesterday's rain again, which almost flooded parts of campus, and saw white everywhere instead.

Of course, it'll probably melt in a day or two. But for now...

 Just finished the first half of the-story-that-used-to-be-called-Heart-and-Soul-and-now-is-called-Summer-of-Storms.

Been working on it on and off, mostly either in English class or hanging out in the lounge, since Tuesday. So the word count is spread out over those days, not really sure how much got written each day. But anyways:

"Summer of Storms"
Word count: 1,918
Total: 1,918
Word doesn't think "soulmate" is a word. Neither is "Selene," apparently, but "Helios" is. Don't ask.
Anyways, pretty excited that this version of the story came out to nearly 2k words. The first version was 1,700-odd words in total, so this has already surpassed it and it's only half done. I think I'm going to leave the second half of the story, Gabrielle's POV, for later... both because I think more of the original is salvagable and because I have a few terrible deadlines looming on the horizon.
Still. Maria's POV, revamped, is mostly done. Before sending it out for crits, I'll read through it again of course to try and catch typos and smooth out some repitition that I think snuck in there, but on the whole, I am happy. It's much better than the original. So now I just have to write my research essay on Perikles, write my Arthurian fic for English class, study for my mythology midterm, and maybe do a few dozen other things I've forgotten. Then I can copy and paste the good bits of the original version of Gabrielle's POV, fill in the blanks, attach that to the Maria POV half, hope it all flows smoothly together, and I should be golden! (Until I get crits and have to go back and fix all the things I was too stupid to see.)

But right at this moment? I'm going to make soup Chef Boyardee. And then have a shower in a last-ditch attempt not to waste this afternoon napping. I am a sore and tired bunny. But I should get some work done, not sleep.

 Word count: 165, on a prose poem (yes, it's awful and pretentious) inspired by DII prompt "rituals and traditions". That finishes it off, but I don't think I like it enough to do the whole polishing and editing rigamarole. It remains a random thing for my eyes only, as is proper for my poetry.
Also, 694 words on a crit for domynoe . (I is overacheiver, hear me roar! It only had to be 250 words.) But yeah, don't really think crits count towards my wordcount, being as they're non-fiction and all.

Other successes include finishing Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (which I enjoyed back in grade 10, but I enjoyed a lot more this time 'round), getting the key to the dance studio from my teacher, finally getting around to booking a health services appointment, and not skipping class today even though I really, really wanted to.

Here's to more of the same tomorrow.

Also, I lost one of my earrings. I may or may not find it when I clean my room. (Excavations in search of the floor are scheduled to commence directly after my English midterm.) Not particularly saddened about the loss, since it was cheap and the "metal" coating was coming off anyways. Just one more reason to ask for better quality earrings for Christmas. (I still want another piercing, by the by.)

Really tired and I kind of just want to go to sleep, but my roomie was sad when I did that yesterday, so tonight I should wait until she gets back from work. Shouldn't be much longer... I feel like I'm married, waiting up for her to ask her how work went. =P

She's home!

Icon inappropriate for today's weather, but fits my mood well enough, so =).

Some tallies!

Word count: 682, mostly written during English class, all from a post for Rhydian. <3

And, as I said I would last entry... I totaled up everything I've ever written that I have saved on this computer. Wanted to see how close I am to that "million words of shit" marker.

The grand total is... 292,905 words.

Oy. That's a hell of a lot, and still nowhere near a million. Sadly, I think most of that is roleplaying. And I don't even have all the roleplaying I've done saved...

Anyways, in other news, today has been a pretty good day, despite its inauspicious start. Woke up late, was late to Greek history, but after that things turned around. Yesterday Steph, her sister and I went shopping in NY. Some bad things and good things about it, but overall it was a beautiful way to take my mind off FAILING MY GREEK MIDTERM. Plz don't make me think about it, because I will cry. Not looking forward to getting that mark back. I didn't know a thing. But I now have some new clothes that I like, and that's the important thing, right? Of course.

I ruined my tuna by putting too much mayo in it by mistake. =(. Alas, poor tuna.

I'm really tired and going to bed early tonight. That is all that's new in my life as far as I know.

Today feels like a day that I ought to be able to spend lying in bed reading until four, and then laze about on the computer for the rest of the day/night. Alas, it definitely isn't. Latin quiz and Greek midterm (hoshitgonnafail) tomorrow. Ew.

But anyways, I've accomplished quite a lot the past few days. And writing an entry seems like a lot more fun right now than going over the optative again, so here are my good and bad accomplishments.

- I missed the bus yesterday morning because I forgot I still had to fill up my water bottle, and as a result was late to class.
- I forgot the stupid water bottle anyways.
- Aggravated my shin splints again. Ouch. -whimper-
- I broke my roommate's mug while draining my spaghetti. (Her mugs don't have a good track record with her friends, since the one I broke was the one Steph H. bought to replace the one she broke last year.)
- I read five chapters of Greek history yesterday, which is everything from one textbook that I have to know for the midterm on Thursday. Now I just have the other textbook to go through and all my notes. OMG time management.
- I went to the drag show with Avril last night, and it was pretty damn awesome. I was just sad that there was only two drag queens, since I could wish that more people would have the confidence to do that, but still. It rocked. I'm pretty sure those boys know more about how to move the female body than I do. Definitely know more about wigs, heels, fishnets and make-up, anyways. I really enjoyed it. The one queen stole the show, though. He was so charismatic and hilarious and awesome. Watching the audience was fun too. So many gay boys. And now I really want to watch Bollywood Hollywood again... Roccini!!! ♥♥
- I've now donated something over 2K grains of rice, not really keeping track, but yay it's fun and makes me feel like a good person. And I read the FAQ and About sections on the site, and it does seem legit, so that makes me happy.

And, in writing accomplishments:

Thursday, October 18
Word count: 536
All on my Arthurian slashfic [aka English project, tentatively titled "The Truth is a Multi-Faceted Thing"], very shitty but at least it's getting my ideas in a more concrete form. Written in English class, obviously. I don't know what it is about me and English classes at university, but they're always one of my favourite classes and I can never, ever pay attention in them. It's bizarre, but it was true for the two English courses I took last year, and it's true again this year. Everything about the course fascinates me, but I take almost no notes and zone out pretty much before the prof even starts talking.
Favourite line: Round like the womb, round like the moon and the earth and the sun.

Saturday, October 20
Word count: 274
That story I thought I had running around in my head about an illegal drug trader? Turns out it's actually about a woman with depression, and her path to overcoming it when nobody believes she's actually sick. Who knew. So yeah, that one's more started now. Tentatively titled "A Love Story". Because it is. However, that is also trite. So it will probably change. I hate titles.
First line: He ran the illegal drug trade from Tetra to Espen.
See why I thought it was about that guy? But it isn't. And names are subject to change. Not sure how fantastic this story is going to turn out... might be inappropriate to have "Tetra" and "Espen". And I might decide I don't like those names, anyways. It's all very fuzzy.

You know how they say a writer has to write a million words of shit before the good ones start coming? I kind of really want to tot up all my writing saved on my computer and see just how many words I've written. Obviously I don't have everything I've ever written on this computer, but I do have most of it, I think. So yeah, that can be my fun time-waster/de-stresser after my Greek midterm is finished tomorrow. I'm going to count the roleplaying stuff I have saved, because that taught me stuff about dialogue, plot, and most of all character development, so I think it's valid.

And now I must study Greek. I just hate it cause I don't even know where to start, y'know? Like, with Greek history I have an easy and logical studying path to follow: read the textbooks, go over lecture notes. With Greek... do I memorize verb forms? Vocab? The passages we've translated as homework? The indirect statements/questions stuff we sort of went over that one time? Grammar from other terms? All of it? But in what order? And what do I focus more on?

Ugh. Here goes nothing. I wanna go back to sleep.

 

 Well, it's been a long time, but I finally have one o' these for you again.

Thursday, October 11
Word count: 221
All from a little sketch that I think will turn into a vaguely Arthurian fairy tale. Written during English class, naturally.

Monday, October 15
Word count: 450
All from Rhydian's joining post.

Tuesday, October 16
Word count: 417, also all from Rhydian's joining post.
Total word count: 867, done.

And I half-wrote a shitty poem during the bus ride home on Thanksgiving as well as half of some sort of sketch. The sketch may have promise, I haven't looked at it since then. The poem is doomed, but the ideas I think I like well enough to give them another shot at life. In prose this time, for their own sake. Actually, I kind of liked the base idea for the structure of the poem... it's just so damn much work to find all the right words to convey the right ideas in the right number of syllables.

Still, anything easy is not worth doing, and all that rot. So I suppose I should try, try again. We'll see.

Meanwhile, in academia:

That Latin quiz that slayed me? Worth something like 2% of my mark overall? Yeah, was a lot harder than my myth midterm worth 25% of my mark. WTF. (Oh, and I got the mark back from the Latin quiz today: 85% -- okay, not a bad mark, but keep in mind that I usually get 94-96% on quizzes with the exact same format. It was HARD.)

Also, I am ridiculously proud of myself for my Greek quiz from Monday. I did so, so much better than I did last week (63% last week, compared to 93% this week!). And like, it wasn't even that I knew it all completely as I was writing the test. I was making logical guesses for the most part, and they actually worked. I'm suddenly feeling a whole lot better about the midterm next Monday. Not one hundred per cent confident by any means, but a lot better.

Slept in today by mistake and almost missed Latin. By a heroic effort and the will of the gods (I knew those sacrifices would pay off) I made it mostly on time. Should make an effort to sleep early tonight nonetheless.

Should also make something for dinner. Maybe I will have a tuna bagel sandwich. That sounds yummy. Or I suppose I could make a chicken stir-fry, but I want more veggies before I do that. Or... I guess we still have some perogies that need eating, and that leftover chicken breast... Nah, tuna it is. That's the easiest. And thanks to my sister, we have about 3000059493 cans of tuna.

And that's about all I have to say for now. I feel kinda pretty today, so too bad the only guy I've hung out with today was my roommate's ex. Well, I guess I hung out with the guys in the classics lounge sort of... if translating Greek counts.

Time to read, since I have a feeling I should get caught up before midterms hit. Stupid Greek history.

 omgomgomgomgomgomgomg Guy Gavriel Kay is COMING TO MY ENGLISH CLASS!!!!


aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

(I can b fangurl nao plz?)

No, but seriously, Kay is one of my biggest role models and sources of inspiration. I love everything I've ever read of his, and I own all but one (to my knowledge). His books always give me that "holy fuck, this is what I want to do with my life... but I'm not good enough and I'll never be this good... but I have to try..." feeling/motivation. He's genius.

So yeah. I am SO PSYCHED. If this somehow falls through, I will be devastated.

Hm, what else happened since last I updated? Well, the weekend was the reunion bbq (wheeee, fun!), shopping, a wee dinner party, and some more getting ready for school/unpacking. I am mostly all settled in... pretty much I now just need to decide where I want to shove stuff I won't need for a long time (winter coat, etc.). As is, that stuff is sitting unobtrusively along one wall. It can stay there for a wee while, but not forever.

School was fun yesterday, except the whole boy-I-hate-more-than-anything-else-is-in-grk-and-just-as-awful-as-ever part. I really think that in a few weeks' time I won't be able to handle him anymore and will have to email the professor asking him to do something about it. And I know I'll be speaking on behalf of the entire class.

Holy shit. Stopped writing this for a while to eat and chat with my darling Stephanie (who has spoiled me rotten today, buying me bubbletea AND making me dinner), but now there's the most awesome storm raging outside. Turns out the view from the 9th floor is amazing for storm-watching. We could see the wind making the rain sheet off the parking lot almost straight back up into the air again, and I've never appreciated just how much sky I can see from my window until I see the lightning streak across all of it. And the rain still pounds against the windows; all I miss is the sound of rain hitting the roof. Which, admittedly, is one of my all time favourite sounds in the world. Some people find it annoying, I find it incredibly soothing. Especially if it's a tin roof.

And now the sky is clearing, with little patches trying to pretend that it's still late afternoon and all the world is sunshine and lollipops, and other patches stubbornly remaining big bad ass clouds threatening doomsday. And a bird returns, winging madly from wherever it took temporary shelter to wherever it lives. Still, I don't think we're going to see the sunset tonight, folks. The badass clouds are beating the happy lollipop patches.

Okay, so, where was I before weather happened? School, right. So latin and greek are both scary as all hell, though greek is more so, naturally. I have hours of homework to do for both courses that I haven't started yet (oh yeah, off to a rockin' start) and since latin is tomorrow, I really should get on that...

Today I had greek history, myth and english (arthurian legend). I've already done most of the squee-ing for english, with one exception: I can choose to write a story instead of an essay! ZOMG! Sounds like time for thinly disguised MZB Mists of Avalon fanfiction, to me! Hey, maybe I should write some Arthur x Lancelot slash, and justify it as bringing the saga into the 21st century. I bet that would work, actually...

Oh man, the more I think about that, the more I like it. Updates will follow.

Erm, what happened in the other classes... fairly standard intro classes, not terribly exciting. Mind-blowing-fact-of-the-day (from grk hist): at Dimini, a Greek settlement from the Late Neolithic Period (c. 3800 BC) they found human remains, specifically of children who were buried under the house floors. Then the whole class sort of went "ugh!" so the professor had to clarify that this was a common practice of the time. So cool! I want to know so badly why they did it... I can think of lots of reasons why they might (the childrens' spirits still need protection; their spirits will be good forces to ward off bad ones; etc.) but I want to know for sure... those are just speculations, the professor didn't say at all.

Not much else of note, except that Karl (or possibly Carl) is in my grk hist class and that really surprised me. Dude, he's a chem major. But he's a cool guy, so I'm pretty excited for the chance to get to know him better. I liked how when the prof started actually teaching, he sat up straighter and went "oh, I like this class!" XD. It was pretty much what I was doing in my head... he just said it out loud.

In other really nerdy news, when my engl prof told us Kay was coming, she was like "any Guy Kay fans out there?" and a few other people raised their hands... pretty sure I was the only one whose hand shot straight up into the air instantaneously. Whups. Involuntary muscle spasm, I swear... ^.^

OMG xsilvan  and candy_remix  are at the blaqk audio concert by now. SO JEALOUS. You bitches better have fun and dance like crazies for me!

Does this entry have an end? Of course not! I'm procrastinating doing my latin and greek homework. Buuuut... I really should get to work. So I'll try and wrap it up. We hung out with Edward yesterday, and that was really really awesome, plus he's going to come by our place for dinner sometime. The poor boy was planning on living off of microwave dinners all year, so we will cook for him sometimes. And then today I talked to Phil for the first time since being back, and I should see him sometime this week, yey!

Okay, now I'm almost at the end. Remember my old friends the word count posts? You thought you'd escaped those? Fuck no!
Saturday: 886 words, and the novel hit 90 pages.
Sunday: none =( but it was a good day anyways.
Monday: 146 words plus mulling over the plot. Which is still progress, albeit slightly intangible.
The novel is thereby officially at 26.7%

And you'd all thought I'd forgotten about it... Pah! I ALWAYS give up on projects. Every once and a while I've got to do something unpredictable, so this time I'm sticking with it to the bitter end.

(Badass clouds are definitely winning, fyi, though at the moment holding off from actually raining anymore.)

I'll end this entry with a quote from the drunken boy Steph and I passed on the way home from thecityssummer  et al.'s house last Friday, when we were carrying our door mirrors back. Cause it wins almost as hard as the shirtless boys sitting in the back of their white pickup singing Backstreet Boys that we passed the next day in the UW plaza parking lot. I mean, nothing can win quite as much as that. But drunken boy came close.

"Hey bayBEE! ... hey baaaaybay... watcha got there? Is it a storyboard?"

I am so sleepy right now. Like actually about to zonk out on the keyboard. Therefore, this will be short. Anyways all I did today was procrastinate writing, and then write. So:

I finished Chapter 5! If my brain weren't so floppy, I'd totally be doing a victory dance.

Word count: 1,561
Total word count: 25,401
25.4% Oh yeah, that's right. I've written a quarter of a book.

In this sudden talk about moles, it strikes me as very odd that I've never had a character with a mole. At least, not one that I know of.

Okay, that's it, Thaniel. Strip.

Not that I really think he has a mole. I just like looking at him.

Hurrah, hurrah!

Word count: 891
Total word count: 23,838
23.8%
Typo du jour: "the dangers of night hair" instead of "the dangers of night air"

Today the words came pretty easily. Illicit kissing on a balcony'll do that for you, I guess. Tomorrow there's more kissing, on the front step this time. J is going to be one confused person. That's okay, it'll be good for her. Actually, tomorrow will probably be the carriage ride where she can't escape her uncomfortable thoughts. The day after will probably be her encounter with W. Roughly 1,200 words left in the chapter... yeah, it should all fit nicely.

And then chapter five will be done, and a quarter of the book will be done, and chapter six should be fun.

I think I have to leave and go get ready now. Dinner out with friends, hurrah hurrah!

So, there has not been an update here for many a moon. Here goes, then.

A brief recap of my July.

There was time in Ottawa. Then there was time in Calgary and environs. Highlights include but are not limited to: trail ride, a bear, Lake Louise, tons and tons of family time, campfire, view from the plane, dinosaurs (!!), singing, dancing, and of course the wedding.

After that, there was more time in Ottawa, and two days with (very low) wordcounts.

July 17 - 111 words. July 18 - 70 words.

On one of those days there was also ~430 words from an Aria-Salem doodle. My first attempt at Salem! Not too bad, as first attempts go. Had a nice discussion about it with SR, I know what I did right and what I did wrong. Luckily, those were the same things I felt I was doing right and wrong as I was writing the thing, so at least I know my instincts were on the mark. Now I just have to be not quite so lazy and fix them, instead of just sliding along with what was easier.

Anyways, continuing on. Between now and then there has been little but babysitting, reading and some hanging out with friends. This weekend our internet was mysteriously busted, but mostly it didn't affect us since we were away at camp.

I'm very tired now, so I'll end with today's triumph:

Word count: 777
Total word count: 22,947
22.9% - I'm getting there!

I have extended my personal deadline. I was going to have a completed first draft by the 2nd week of September, but now I know that's going to be too cramped and rushed. I basically lost a month, and I'm not going to be able to write every day in August. So now I want 100K words by Rememberance Day. That's giving myself about a week's leeway from the amount of time it should take me, so I should be able to finish well before my deadline. That will be a nice carrot. And it gives me wiggle room to completely lose the thread of the action like I did just now, though it doesn't give me a month to find it again, like I took this time. But hopefully with each mistake I'll learn better, so... maybe this won't happen again.

At least I know what's happening in tomorrow's writing. Gasp! Kisses! Not allowed, that. Heeheehee.

I feel and look like shit. No, really. I have a stuffed up nose, a slightly sore throat, at least five bug bites in my hair, four blisters on my feet, and I haven't written in days. I have three more bug bites making a nice line of itchy doom along my collar line, and another two hanging out with the bags under my eyes. (One under each eye, one is slightly higher than the other, which makes me lopsided in my swollen-ness.) The wisdom teeth are deciding that they actually haven't come all the way through, and they're going to do that now. So my jaw hurts and my head hurts, and my poor cheek is very pinched between all this extra stuff that wasn't there before.

So. There's been no update in a while. What's happened since?

Sunday June 24: 780 words.
Monday June 25: 146 words.

Don't remember what else happened on either of those days. There have been no more words since. A week of not writing... bad, bad bunny.

Tuesday I babysat. Wednesday I went to a jazz concert with CB, watched a thunderstorm, didn't get wet, and ate gelato. Mmm, gelato. Thursday I babysat.

Wednesday I went shopping for wedding clothes, Friday I went shopping for bras.

(I'm reminded of Cyrano's gazette for Roxanne.)

On Friday, Cynd, dad and I left for the cottage. Saturday was a day of great triumph, for lo! there was a foot valve that didn't leak and then there was running water to our cottage once more. Sunday we came back to town.

Went downtown for Canada Day, but then it was crowded there and we didn't really know what we wanted to do, so we went to Chinatown. Fireworks went off behind our heads, almost entirely obscured by the buildings, around about when we got to Somerset and Bronson. Had some bubbletea and tiramisu. The tiramisu was good, but my craving for brick toast was thwarted. I'll have to satisfy it later... probably much later, after I get back from out west.

Anyways, it was fun. After we went and hung out in the park. When do we ever do anything else? I like our conversations sitting up on the playstructure, though. Somehow Rocky Horror didn't come up this time...

There was a lot of walking though. Note to self: don't wear new shoes when you know you're going to be walking a lot. I am dumb. The blisters, though, aren't as bad as they seemed last night. And no sand got in, which makes me very glad. Actually, at the moment, just general soreness from walking so much hurts more than the blisters. They only hurt when I do something stupid, like kick them.

Saw my grade 7+8 gym teacher downtown, bizarre in the extreme.

I really, really want some chocolate covered marshmallow. I should have bought some yesterday.

Yesterday, zero words.
Today:
Word count: 806
Total word count: 21,067
21% of a novel.

Yesterday I worked on the general outline some, balancing some things out between J and EF, adding a few more details that I've discovered since writing that outline. Elaborated chapter seven. That one should write comparatively easily, which would be fab since that's what I'll be on when I'm in Calgary at the wedding. Chapter five and six need some detail clarification. The sooner the better, since, y'know, I'm in the middle of chapter five.

Over at Ni90 in the daily word count post, I got a prompt that really helped me out. "Today you're writing about games." With the result that tomorrow J is going to be being reeeally mean to EF. I'm excited.

We now interrupt your scheduled programming for some generally gushy love for all the people at Ni90 who are so awesome about mocking but even more awesome about encouraging you.

Okay, so that's out of the way for now. On to a few more general thoughts about myself, with (gasp) a logical segue.

In the daily word count post that I was just talking about, I said that I didn't have any good excuses for not writing yesterday. I've changed my mind. I was working on the novel, outlining, before Shit Happened. I didn't know that shit would happen, and therefore assumed I'd have the rest of the night for writing. Then Shit Happened (even though I brought it on myself), and I couldn't really think about anything else for the rest of the night. Trying to write, especially when so much of the Shit was writing related, would not have been smart I think.

Anyways, so yeah. I've decided to stop thinking that all my reasons are not good enough. Some of them aren't, like "I just didn't feel like it," or "I spent all my time wandering the internets." But some of them, like Shit Happening, really are good enough. And I shouldn't belittle them, because then I deny myself the right to be upset by them, and then I internalize all my feelings and reactions. And that is no good, no good at all.

I've been bottling things up inside me all my life. Which, you know, isn't that long of a time, admittedly. But I get the feeling that I've got a hell of a lot bottled up all the same. And I want to change that. I want to be a healthier person, without so much black inside of me. I learned about this visualization technique to get rid of negativity inside you. You breathe in, picturing light and brightness coming in. Then you breathe out, picturing blackness leaving your body through the small of your back. The small of your back is where your body houses negativity, which is why during arguments and fights it can start to hurt or it clenches up. The small of your back also houses strength, because everything has its opposite to keep balanced.

I'd like to let my strength balance again. I tried the visualization the other day, and it was crazy. The black gunk that came away was so black. And there was never enough brightness and light to take in. I was breathing out more and more, trying to get rid of all the black, and I couldn't. So I ended up nearly crying. Yeah, yesterday was an emotional day. Going to try it again when I'm a little saner and might remember to just breathe normally, cause that's the whole point of it I think.

I need to succeed in my goals for this summer. I think that will be a big help in giving me the courage I need. To know within myself that I can keep promises I've made to myself. To give me a grounding of happiness with who I am, so that if who I am is not enough for some people, I at least can know -- and believe -- that it's enough for me. At the end of the day, me is all that matters. And so, I've already made a real good start. I've written a fifth of a book. Now I need to add some exercise and stretches, because regaining my lost flexibility is something I really want to do. I've lost a few pounds, so I can do this too.

My self-confidence has plummeted quite suddenly. I hope this is just 'one of those days' and things will look better in the morning. But if not... then I need to get my ass in gear to make me into someone I love again.

After today, I'm caught up!

Yesterday:
Word count: 772
Really, really close to not making quota, but I did it. Was writing the scene that is the real start of chapter four.

Today:
Word count: 2,445
Total word count: 20,259
20.2%

Excuse me now while I go do a victory dance on chapter four's dead body. Except I kind of think that it's more alive now than it was when I was wrestling so unsuccessfully with it. Damn. But anyways, it's DONE. (Until I have to edit it, and I strongly suspect that at least a thousand of its words are complete crap, but lets not think about that now.) It's DONE. Ha! Now I get to write chapter five, and chapter five will be much better to me than chapter four... I think and hope. (Though actually, in all fairness, I'm bound to point out that chapter four wasn't so bad after I went back and wrote that new opening scene. In fact, parts of it, like the rainstorm, were actually pretty fun. But it was mean to me for more days than it was nice to me. Pout pout pout.)

Hanyways, my dear friends and monsters, I take this moment to say: I have written one fifth of a book. Fuck yeah! It's a teen Regency romance, with a predictable plot full of genre conventions, but that doesn't make it any less of a book. It's going to be 100K or a little more when finished, and it's going to be the first thing over 2K words that I've finished. (Hell, most of my short stories are still in the needs-editing-like-whoa stage.)

So three weeks (tomorrow will be the start of week 4) has gotten me 20% of a novel. Why didn't I do this years ago? (Answer: because I gave up multiple times years ago without realizing how steady work could add up, and anyways anything I'd written back then would have sucked even more than what I'm writing now sucks.) Why yes, I do answer my own rhetorical questions.

And now, for some non-writing content (there is some, every once in a while)!

Yesterday was, by any definition of the word, fun. Okay, the play sucked. (As I said to xsilvan earlier, that play was the playwright going "hey, I wonder what happens when I take my pretentious prose poems, set them to sort-of music, and add some interpretive-dance-like movement and body percussion! Oh wait, a play needs a plot, doesn't it... hm... oh well, it's close enough! Anyways, it doesn't need to explain itself, it's ART!" I spent the first few minutes trying really hard not to laugh. There were some redeeming moments, but it could really have used some more coherency.) But! There were things thrown/put in people's cleavage, and there were milkshakes, nachos, fries, music, discussion of the power rangers, hanging out in the park, getting a ride home from an almost-stranger. And possibly my favourite from the night: the crazy man on the bus, who wanted to know if it was one of our dreams to go to Carleton. (Sorry, ahahahahaha.) He also informed us that xsilvan  is the Master of Confusion, which was news to us. (I thought she was the Masked Avenger...)

Oh wait, I lied. I think the whole boar conversation was funnier. How many things with tusks are there? And I don't care what Badgie said, boars do not eat intestines.

And I was named Cupcake. And made everyone cross the street for no reason. Whups! Gooood times.

Damn, now I really want a cupcake. Maybe I'll make some tomorrow.

Et c'est tout pour maintenant, mes amies. (Did I get the right sort of tout/tous/etc? I never know which to use... does anyone have a concise rule to help me out here?)

So the whole weekend I didn't write anything. And Monday I was hoping for 2K+ words to make up for that, but it sure didn't happen. In fact, I just got farther behind on the novel. So it's time to firm up my resolutions and stop slacking off.

June 18
Word count: 807 (weird, that's the number I got on Friday, too)
450 on the novel, 357 on two little drabbles.

Today
Word count: 1,289
Total word count: 17,042
17%

First day in a while that I've gotten over 1K words on the novel. Tomorrow I have to keep it up, or else I fall behind quota. And that would be a very stupid thing to allow myself to do, when I know that there are going to be lots of low or zero word count days during July and August on my trips.

But! I'm hopeful for tomorrow, because I've finally (I think) realized why chapter four has been being such a bitch. I missed the whole opening scene entirely. Ooooops. I think it was supposed to cut to EF and F for a little bit there, and instead I just jumped straight to J. So that scene should give me some good words, and I even know what's coming up next in the J's POV part of the chapter.

In other news, today I wore my shorts backwards by mistake. Oops. Good thing I was just babysitting. (Which went pretty well, despite some tears and glasses-stealing on the kids' part, and a touch of stern voice on my part). Funny/sweet snippet of conversation from the end, just as I was about to leave, as she clung to me and sat on my lap while I gave her a goodbye hug:

her: I want to go home with you.
her dad: well you can't, you have to stay here and go to bed.
her: will you come again tomorrow?
me: no, not tomorrow.
her: when?
me: in one week.
her: .... is that tomorrow?

Time is a concept that kids just don't get.

First of all: 

Word count: 807
Total word count: 15,303
15.3% Finished chapter three!!

And then:

Babysat today, though things didn't go as planned at all, and I was home a lot earlier than planned.

Adorable moment from that: she was telling me how she's afraid of "fighters". Took me a little bit to figure out that she meant "spiders" (why on earth would fighters be in her backyard?). Anyways, then it went something like this:

me: why are you afraid of spiders?
her: because a fighter bit Peter.
me: who's Peter?
her: Peter Parker. From fighterman. Actually he IS fighterman. He was bitten by a fighter, that's why he's fighternan.

Adorable! I love kids. Haha, of all the reasons to fear spiders...

Anyways, when I got home from that, dad and I went to watch La Vie en Rose, the biopic of Edith Piaf that was playing at the Bytown.

That... Well... Wow.

Um, I don't really know what else to say. Holy shit the actress who played her did a good job. I love watching French movies. The music was incredible. The story was amazing. The scenes were not confusing precisely, but mosaic-like. You had to be paying attention to know what was happening when. Three cheers for unreliable narrators. But yeah, it was amazing. Incredible attention to detail, incredibly powerful.

Depardieu was not that prevalent in it, which was nice. Don't get me wrong, I love Depardieu. But he's been around a while, and I'm pretty sure there are lots of other good French actors out there waiting to step into the roles he's been filling for so long. He was very good in this film, though.

If that movie doesn't move you, inspire you, make you cry, open your eyes... then you're a lost cause. And that's all I have to say about that.

So I knew I'd learn a lot doing this. You know, actually writing a novel, instead of just falling in love with a new world, poking about in it for a few days or weeks, and then abandoning it.

The first thing I've learnt? I don't know how to do this. So I'm closing my eyes tight, kicking hard, and letting go of the pool wall. First time in the deep end. If I start to drown, someone throw me a lifesaver?

On second thought, don't. I'd probably learn more drowning. It just might not make for very good conversation.

Chapter 3 is getting towards done, should finish it tomorrow. About 500 words to go. All making W uncomfortable, mwaha. Unfortunately, that sucker is a pretty good improviser and an even better liar, so he won't be bothered for long. Take your wins while you can, W. You don't win in the end. That's just what you get for being the "bad guy".

Anyways, word counts from the past few days, since I haven't updated this baby in a few.

June 12:
Word count: 833.

June 13:
Word count: 753
500 from a flash fiction piece: On the Edge of the World. Features a parrot, and questions about sanity and insanity, and which is which where. I like it. But then again, I wrote it.
253 from the novel, lowest word count yet on the novel. Got stuck, didn't even want to write today at all, but thecityssummer  helped pull me out of that. <3

June 14:
Word count: 794
Total word count: 14,494
14.4%

In other news, am very very excited for the rest of the summer. So much travelling! So much seeing friends! I bought my ticket to Amsterdam today =D. It's a good life.

Didn't get a chance to post yesterday, but that doesn't mean I didn't write. And I wrote today, so the two combined makes:

Word count: 1,772 (896 from yesterday, 876 from today)
Total word count: 12,614
12.6%

EF in his new role as POV character has been doing most of the talking, but that's alright. I like his voice. Anyways, soon it'll switch back to J for several scenes that he can't narrate since he's not there, so just as well for him to have his say now.

The sister and I watched Road to Eldorado today. The brother came home part way through, and got Someday Out Of the Blue stuck in his head. That resulted in the following funny conversation:

him: is Road to Eldorado Dreamworks or Disney?
sister: Dreamworks
him: oh. I'm less ashamed now.
me: well the song is by Elton John...
him: oh! I'm way less ashamed now! Elton is the man!

hahahahaha.

Spent most of the evening cleaning, and then wandering the internet in search of good fiction to read. Found two or three good online 'zines full of wonderful sci-fi/fantasy/horror/all sorts of other fantastic things. I learnt that this sort of delightful mish-mash is what's meant by 'speculative fiction'. I'm a fan. (Also possibly dumb for not realizing what exactly speculative fiction means, but the jury's still out on that one.)